Stressed? If you're feeling it, chances are your child is feeling it too. You know the signs; when your mind starts racing and your heartbeat starts racing, your tendency is to get louder and faster. But what you and your body and your child need is for things to slow down and start making sense.
Think about the times with your child when you are most likely to be stressed and see if you can REthink them with a dose of calm and reason.
Here are some examples:
Routines and transitions –Parents know what's supposed to happen next. Often your child does too. But if they are feeling a little dysregulated (rushed, tired, disappointed....) they can lose track. The key to less stressful routines is consistency and predictability, not long negotiation or fast consequences. When things start to amp up the stress meter, slow it down, take a minute to check in, and see what your child needs to get to the next step. It's usually a time saver in the long run; "It seems like you are really not ready to get in the bath. Should we sit for a minute and take some breaths together?" P.S. If there is a routine that almost always feels stressful, it may need more time. I'm thinking of mornings and evenings. Give yourself time to do what needs to be done.
Conflict –It is typical for parents to feel that our #1 job is discipline, especially if you have a child who is "going through it," as we say. You're ready for FIGHT ("Because I said so!") or FLIGHT ("I don't care, eat all of the gummy worms") or FREEZE (crying. No? Just me?) But we know that people, especially children, learn best when they feel safe and connected. Next time your child is pushing all of your buttons or really digging their heels in, stop and ask a question; "What is really hard for you right now?" or "How can I help you feel ready?" Offer yourself as a safe space, "Do you want to hold my hand for a minute?" Children won't care what we know until they know that we care. I don't know who first said that but I have found that it's true.
